Of tolerance and respect

Why is it so difficult to do what we are supposed to do. What we have been doing the last 27 years. We keep moving an inch here, another inch there to fit in, and let everyone else fit in. People fighting, screaming for just propositions, but end up doing the one thing they have always wanted to do. Stomp over, take over and screw over.

Im building intolerance towards tolerating. Ive had enough. Giving in all the time means weakness to some people. And when they are blind to the strength in giving in, they fail to see the repercussions. A recoil of emotional and mental suppression over the years.

Yes. Ive made up my mind. I will be still and silent. But my silent frustrated screams will be projected on my attitude and behaviour, as it is only natural.

p/s: tolerance is begging for respect. respect is not asking for it, neither is it impliedly forced upon. It is earned. I only give it to the well deserving.

Hypocrisy

They smile and i smile
They laugh and i smile
They talk and i smile
They scream and i smile

I only smile

Its tiring to live in a shut-up and put-up world. To keep the peace. Really?
Penat berpura-pura la.

Hmm...

i sit and conjure me beautiful spaces
i dream of endless beauty and perfection
to seduce and enthral


but when i walk out
i realized im squinting in the bright light
adjusting my eyes from the constant dim
and stretching my arms
unlocking knots that have formed in my back


its that instant
i am made aware
that conjuring dreamlands
and imagining fantasy worlds

had put a curse
and made me deem this world im in
dull and lifeless


so this is where
i enjoy absolute latitude
on white spaces in computer screens
typing away
my creations and unreal desires



NOTE TO SELF:
1)get a green indoor plant to set my eyes on every now n then

2)get ready for thicker lenses on my glasses

sigh................

Age

I look in the mirror today..and i see 'age'
Rupa-rupanya saya dah tak muda lagi..

When u realise something..
It's time you start doing something about it..

I still say Alhamdulillah, kerana diberi kesedaran
Perlu tingkatkan usaha
Ke arah kebaikan lagi...

:)

Walk On

An addict to things unreachable. Constant craving and need for the unapproachable. Ive lived long enough in my head to realise that sadistic pleasure of wanting something impossible pushes me on. A demented form of motivation, yet is the only substance that keeps me sated..but disillusioned. 

Change

I realised how much I've changed when..

I don't go to lounges for jazz anymore
I start to care how many pimples I have on my face
I use cosmetic products on my face
I put on whitening mask on my face
I actually really worry about my weight
I count every single line underneath my eyes
I actually am contemplating make up?
I feel like I'm not pretty or beautiful in any way..anymore..

I am trying too hard to be someone who I think I am not..

Is change really imminent?

Eyes of the beholder

I have always thought i was okay looking
Not hot, not cun, not extremely beautiful
But okay looking..
I used to notice guys staring at me
Those irritating top to toe stares
Or those cute malu2 glances...

Before i met you.

Now i honestly feel ugly
I honestly feel
Like im never good enough
To walk beside you
I have too many blemishes on my face
I am too fat
I dont dress up well enough
And i have plaque..on my teeth...

I dont notice the stares anymore
Or the glances
From other men
Is it just me
Or have i really turned ugly

They say confidence makes you look hot
They say self esteem is attractive
I dont really have much of those two anymore
I guess
Since i met you...

Counting the moments till i hear
One word of compliment from you again
Hoping...hoping...

Sayang, am i really that ugly
In your eyes?

Or isit just me?

Cerai

cerai

harini, kalau bukak paper, bersepah cerita cerai sana sini. tak payah paper, lu pandang keliling-kelliling lu, akan ada cerita keluarga yang bercerai atau mempunyai sejarah penceraian. cerai. dengar nama pun dah tak best. cerai, dengar situasi pun boleh potong mood tengah huha. demm.

tapi, nak gebang apa bro?

apsal lu cerai?

sebab lu dah tak serasi.

apsal lu tak serasi?

sebab lu dah mula tak sefahaman.

apsal tak sefahaman?

pasal lu dua orang berbeza.

apsal lu dua orang berbeza?

sebab lu dua orang sebenarnya lain mahu pada awal nya.

camne nak sama mahu pada awalnya?

biar bersama kerana Dia. bukan kerana cinta lu sama lu, nafsu, wang, paras rupa atau layanan.

camne dapatkan title 'kerana Dia'?

lu pandang sejadah, sejadah nak pandang lu balik ke x agak lu?

OUT

Above is a post i got off sumone who i recently had a chance to baca2 his blog.. :) I found it through another blog (sarkasis.blogspot.com).. Anyhow..i found his postings to be honest.. and thats a lot more substantial than the typical blog out there.. Anyway.. Thank you budak nerd. Looking forward to reading your other posts.

Source: http://badekgonzalez.blogspot.com/2010/12/cerai.html

Have you ever...

Have u ever fallen so completely in love.. you are willing to do all you can..so to just be able to be with him till the end of your days?
Have you ever fallen so completely in love.. you are willing to forgive and forget everything he has ever done that hurt you..no matter a lot or a little...?
Have you ever fallen so completely in love.. there is no such thing as "i feel" and "i want" anymore in your thoughts whenever you hear his voice?
Have you ever loved anyone so wholly and completely that your happiness is entirely, his happiness..

This is no love song..
Amazingly, for a person who is used to being totally independent

I have completely surrendered everything i used to believe in
Crossed over to the other side
Just to be with him..

I know now theres no turning back from here
I know theres an endless drop from here, if anything ever happened
But here i am
Praying everyday that everything i do
Will take me a step nearer to spending the rest of my life with him
And i am happy.. Just like this...

Inny mean-y myni Moe!

Its easy to be mean to mean people. Humans are funny. They interpret kindness as sarcasm. They want you to be mean. Because being mean is easier to comprehend, than being kind.
Ironically, its meaner to be kind to 'em.

What?? Yea...

De-pres-sion

Define?
-A mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
-A common mental disorder that presents with depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration
-If you think of the body as a container, then it is a sign that there is no room left to take in more stimulation. The "cup is full"  ....


The "cup is full". The cup IS full. What is worth trying and what is not? Is it possible to shed each layer of who you are in hopes of becoming a perfect person. Daring to even think you may be worthy of such fairytale..  like such people in those damn movies.. those damn movies- yes, the ones that makes you smile silly imagining you were the one 'he' said those beautiful words to. Damn those movies.

The days that go by just feels empty now. To please.. to not anger.. to not step a toe outside the imaginary perfect cocoon you think you have built for yourself. What is it do i have to do.

Sometimes i hate myself. I build this. I build this world. And why is it inadequate now? Why is it so difficult now? It used to be so easy. It used to be effortless. Now im suffocating. And slowly, brick by brick i scrape and peel at everything..destroying it with my own hands.

What do u want Fara? Think. Isnt this what you want? Isnt this perfect world something you have always wanted, dreamed of, prayed for...all this while.
Then stop this.
Stop this insanity.
Dont sabotage the ONE thing you think u can hold onto.

I am drowning...But ill keep my head high. Hoping for the last few breaths i can take before i am completely submerged. Will he open this door for me and drain me from my fears??

Bordering on depression. The cup IS full.

Story of a little girl

Here's a story of a little girl who always thought she was too little for the big world around her.

Here's a story of the little girl who thought the stories in her head would be the story of her life.

The stories in her head never really quite came true. But the ones that did, surfaced in ways she couldn't even begin to imagine. Some were good..some were bad...and then there were just...some..

Standing still as time and the world rushes around her. She is in her own world. Naive, hopeful, but complacent with life.

At 26, she is still the little girl who thinks she is too little for the big world. A decade has past and she still lives in her own head, conjuring little stories..
 

Something worth sharing

"When you understand, " Brandy says, "that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can crumble it up and throw your past in the trashcan," Brandy says,"then we'll figure out who you're going to be." -Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

A new chapter

Ive been contemplating a new blog..a sort of new chapter to something i began a couple of years ago. Not abandoning the past.. Just moving on to.. a new beginning? No.. just a new blank piece of page. Well, in this case, a new blog host.